


An Extended Existential Crisis

by mylordshesacactus



Category: RWBY
Genre: Academy Era, Everybody Roasts The Shit Out Of Robyn, F/F, Gen, Team Dynamics, some hints of future springthyme if you squint real hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylordshesacactus/pseuds/mylordshesacactus
Summary: “Robyn made some bad life decisions. And then she fucked Winter Schnee in a supply closet, so she’s got that to live with.”
Comments: 49
Kudos: 231





	An Extended Existential Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> Personally, I don't think the Happy Huntresses were actually a team at the Academy--We know they were all top graduates but I feel like they were from different teams that split up after graduation, and they came together later to form the vigilante girl gang we know and love.
> 
> But it's fun to do what-ifs! Besides, this is just a fun oneshot I dashed off on a whim, and will HOPEFULLY be the last Huntress diversion for a little while. I've got other things I need to work on, damn it, CRWBY.

Robyn took a futile moment to claw her hair back into something vaguely presentable, and just as quickly gave it up as a lost cause.

Her team had seen her looking worse, probably. Maybe they wouldn’t question it.

Giving an irritated sigh, she shouldered open their door and kicked it shut behind her.

“Evening, girls,” she announced to the room at large. She was greeted by noncommittal hums of acknowledgement from May’s bunk, where she and Joanna were sprawled watching some sort of sci-fi flick. Well, May was sprawled on the bunk. Joanna, to whom the constrained Atlas Academy bunkbeds were a constant source of torment and back pain, was sitting on the ground. Somehow their heads were level.

“Took you long enough,” Joanna commented without looking up. “We were pretty sure you died.”

May added, “We were planning your funeral and everything.”

“Thanks,” said Robyn, drily. “I appreciate the vote of confidence. You really think  _ Winter Schnee _ could take me that easily?”

“‘Course not.” Joanna at least could be counted on for emotional support. “But if you outscored her in the final, her daddy’s  _ assassins  _ probably—”

She trailed off in a sudden choke. Robyn looked over sharply; with a sinking feeling, she realized both Joanna and May were staring at her, wide-eyed.

“What?” she demanded.

The two of them glanced at one another; May threw her hands in the air, shaking her head sharply, and Joanna rolled her eyes.

Robyn’s eyes narrowed.  _ “What.” _

Silently, May raised two fingers and tapped the side of her neck.

Far too late, Robyn clapped a hand over her throat and turned on her heel to hide in the bathroom only to find it locked. She hadn’t noticed the sound of running water.

_ Dammit, Fiona, of all the times to take a shower— _

When Robyn turned back to face her doom, it was to find a grinning Joanna handing over a not-inconsiderable pile of money to a May Marigold who still looked distinctly shell-shocked.

“Oh, for— _ really?” _

May visibly shook herself. “Hey,” she protested. “Don’t blame  _ me.” _

Joanna leaned forward conspiratorially. “I had faith in you. I  _ said _ you had better taste and now look where that’s gotten me.”

“Listen,” said May. “You and Schnee were either going to kill each other, or fuck in the locker room. I was gonna send lilies to your funeral, remember?”

“We—I would—it was  _ not  _ the locker room,” Robyn finished pathetically.

“Ha!” Joanna threw her head back as May swore, counting out a good quarter of the bills she’d been handed and returning them. “Second-floor supply closet.”

Robyn bit her tongue to avoid demanding to know how the  _ hell  _ she’d guessed that correctly.

“You can’t just assume...it could have been  _ anyone!” _ she protested.

May laughed outright. “Yeah, but it wasn’t, though.”

Robyn rubbed her face, gave a low moan, and flopped down into the nearest bunk, rolling to face the wall. “Don’t look at me.”

“What  _ happened?” _ Joanna reached out to poke her leg. “You  _ hate _ her!”

“Stress of finals?” Robyn offered miserably. “I know, all right? I know. I didn’t _ plan _ this!"

One thing had just...sort of led to another. 1v1 Combat finals were gruelling. Robyn and Winter Schnee held the top two ranking slots in the class, narrowly beating out Joanna in fourth position. That meant they were slotted to spar last on the day of finals. So she had already been tired and annoyed by the waiting, most of the rest of the cohort was gone—some people, like Robyn’s team, stayed to watch the others and provide moral support, but you were dismissed as soon as your fight was over and the whole process took over three hours.

Which meant they’d been functionally alone in the lockers, and then Schnee had made a snide comment about Robyn’s “girl gang” and fair fights, and in order to avoid an actual blood-spilling brawl when everyone’s aura was already in the red Robyn had gently asked her team to meet her back upstairs…

No, actually she still wasn’t certain exactly what had happened. They’d been arguing about—probably the military-industrial complex, it  _ was  _ Winter Schnee after all, that had been their designated fight for the past year and a half since she got her head out of her chiseled ass about the faunus—

The point was that somehow Robyn had ended up thrown against a wall in the second-floor supply closet.

“All right,” Joanna said. “Serious question. No judgement.”

Robyn lifted her head slightly.

Joanna looked her in the eye. “What the hell is  _ wrong  _ with you?”

May doubled over laughing as Robyn yanked a pillow over her head.

“She’s a  _ cop!” _ Joanna exclaimed, unable to keep from laughing herself. “When I said ‘fuck cops’ you weren’t supposed to _ listen!” _

The bathroom door finally opened before Robyn could try to defend herself. Fiona, several towels wrapped around her head and wearing a white bathrobe, stepped out and paused.

“Robyn? What happened?”

May’s amusement was so thick you could taste it. “Robyn made some bad life decisions. And then she fucked Winter Schnee in a supply closet, so she’s got  _ that _ to live with.”

Fiona hesitated.

“On  _ purpose?” _

May and Joanna nearly collapsed. Robyn, completely unable to defend herself, pulled the pillow back over her head.

“I know!” she called, voice muffled. “It just—happened, all right?”

“Did.” When Robyn peeked out of her fortress, she saw Fiona blinking rapidly. “Did you  _ trip?” _

The noise May made was less a laugh than a shriek, poorly muffled into Joanna’s shoulder. Robyn groaned and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her arms.

“Well,” Fiona said hesitantly, over Joanna’s wheezing. “I mean...I guess she’s not  _ as  _ bad as she used to be. If you like her—”

“Whoa,” May protested in the same moment Robyn sat up so suddenly that she nearly cracked her head on the underside of her own mattress.

“I mean.” Fiona’s hands twisted anxiously. “You two have always been at each other’s throats, you’re two of the top students, it’s probably inevitable—” 

“I don’t— _ no! _ Fiona, this is  _ not  _ happening again.”

Fiona looked skeptical. “Was it supposed to happen  _ this  _ time?”

“Ouch,” said Joanna.

Robyn pinched the bridge of her nose. “I had a—slip in judgement. It was just...ill-advised stress relief.” 

“Of which we will never speak again,” emphasized May.

Joanna raised a hand. “Oh,” she said, “I’m gonna speak of it.”

Fiona looked more relieved than Robyn thought was strictly called for. “I’m not angry, Robyn,” she said, crossing the room and rubbing between her shoulder blades. After a moment an impish spark flickered in her eyes. “Just disappointed in you.”

Robyn gave a strangled wail into Fiona’s pillow as May and Joanna lost their minds again across the room.

“I mean,” Joanna managed. “That’s one way to win an argument.” A pause. “Please tell me you won the argument. Robyn! Robyn  _ tell me _ you didn’t let her top.”

“We were...standing, so…”

No dice. She’d hesitated a moment too long, and loud exclamations of anguish filled the room.

“Oh,  _ Robyn,” _ said May, despairing.

“I know,” she moaned. “I know! I know. I’m a useless bootlicker.”

May’s voice was a mixture of delighted and horrified. “Is that… _ literal—” _

_ “Metaphorically, Marigold!” _

Robyn took the helpless laughter as her well-earned punishment.

“My judgement was compromised,” she protested. “It’s finals, I was pissed off, she gave me an opening—shut  _ up, _ Joanna, I heard it as soon as I said it.”

_ You got lucky, _ was what Schnee had said. Something about sloppy form and refusing to alter her fighting style to one proven to be superior for her weapon of choice.  _ Ending the match in a tie was a fluke you can’t rely on in the field. In a real fight, you would never be able to handle a classically trained fighter. _

_ I don’t know, Ice Queen, I think I could handle you just fine. _

How that had turned into Winter Schnee’s fingers between her legs was still a mystery.

Fiona spoke up again. “Are you...okay?”

Robyn sighed. “I’m fine, Fiona. There was nothing...I’m fine. I’m just—”

“A disaster?” suggested May.

“Really into uniforms and really mad about it,” Joanna added.

_ “Do you really think Winter Schnee could  _ take me _ that easily?” _ May said mockingly.

Unable to defend herself, Robyn made a rude gesture and hid her face back behind Fiona’s pillow.

“I can never go back to Mantle,” she decided. “I’ll have to exile myself to the tundra now. I’m a disgrace to the entire city.”

Soft hands carded through her hair, Fiona stroking it with sympathetic kindness.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Just a bit.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is entirely my own fault but I'm blaming Alexis for it anyway.


End file.
